Liralen's Adventures Through Life

I think the hardest thing about this whole thing was that Mom couldn't really talk or process any of it with us. She couldn't voice her thoughts and couldn't do anything for Dad or us about the end of our relationship with her. By the time we found out the tumor had already taken her ability to word. Oddly, luckily, I've had to make closure for myself quite a few times in my past often without input from the other person that was involved.  We actually had a very good visit with her for the first few days. She was smiling every time we saw her, and she even had a morning where she ate an entire bowl of fortified cereal and we were able to take her out for a walk with Dad. But by the second to last day she'd stopped eating and even drinking.  I got my time with her. Alone. Without the protection of my husband and without the anxiety of my father or the incessant talking of my sister. Mom was asleep, fitful, restlessly so, but even when she woke she would nod off agai...

My mother took my hand, as we were going to leave tonight, and she very deliberately, gently, and slowly pressed a kiss on the back of my hand. And at the look on her face, I clasped her hand back just as gently, but firmly, and I kissed her on her forehead. She smiled and let me go.  Words are failing her. I find it ironic that the only way that I can process her now word-muddled existence is through my long practice with words.  On November 13th, my sister and father did a video doctor's check with my mother. Their GP was so alarmed at her inability to truly respond to their questions made their primary doctor tell them that they had to go to the ER. That there was something seriously wrong with her and they had to get her looked at as quickly as possible. The three of them spend two horrific days in the over crowded ER at UCSD, in order to get the CAT scans and MRI that showed a very large shadow in her brain.  This was while John and I were in Kauai. We heard the begi...

We started the day talking through what it was we wanted to do on our last day here. It was good to talk it all through and to figure out what it was we really wanted to get, do, or experience on our last full day here. We're going to have to leave first thing in the morning to catch our plane to Las Vegas, which should let us get on a plane to Denver. Hopefully there won't be another foot of snow delaying everything there... We had our breakfast out on our patio, the last of all the things we had bought to have for breakfasts.  Then, as usual, a hen came up to check us out while we were eating. We shooed her off, but a little later, another came to look through the glass at us while we were getting ready to go. All week, one of the hens has been coming up to the glass, watched us, and lain down on the welcome mat to watch us as she napped.  It's fascinating that the chickens like watching us as much as all the tourists love watching them. But I really wanted a picture of o...

Today did not start auspiciously. My guts were entirely unhappy with me and the whole situation. After breakfast, we went for a little walk, that was actually quite good.  It included going out onto a stone pier that was a great exercise in balance that echoed a lot of the strength work I've been doing for the last four years. So it felt really good. The only problem was that when we got back to the room, my gut was very insistent about any kind of movement being a mistake. Kaopectate, an over the counter medication that uses Bismuth to "regulate your digestive system" was something that I had when I was a kid. It comes in vanilla flavored, now, and John got me some from Longs Drug, and I dosed myself as soon as he got it, drank some water and hoped that... well "maybe it will work out." We dropped by Konohiki Seafoods, and bought their very simple bento boxes.  Mine had two inari along with a pickle maki and two pieces of fried ginger chicken. John's was pr...

I haven't been sleeping all that well since Tuesday. The election results affected me badly. Jet had a great description, "It's grief adjacent." It is grief about my expectations about the world, this nation, and people in general. Though, if you asked me on any particular day, I don't actually believe in the "general" concept of people at all. I also know that a lot of my back brain has been processing, taking things in, and it then runs through a lot of them at night, even on nights after really physical days like the bike ride. So lack of sleep, an aching body, and something was really affecting my digestive system. These are all things you probably don't get in travel blogs. The downtime realities of travel. It's just the beautiful surfaces. I am guilty of some of that on Facebook, as one only has so much time, so much bandwidth, and can only display so many pictures, so why not the ones that we want to remember?  Why not brighten someone els...

Today started as something of a random walk, mostly because of the rain showers that were ribboning their way across the island. We never really knew when it would happen, but there would be a sudden downpour and then it would eventually stop. So we started out by going to look at waterfalls. Okay, yes, that's not a waterfall, but the first one was pretty far from the area that was set aside for viewing it, and it wasn't that great, and well... Magenta Bougainvillea! Yes, that was kind of the flavor of the day, honestly. We went and saw an old valley for the river there, that had, long long ago been a set of terraced taro beds, which Japanese farmers turned into terraced rice beds, and then modern day farming came in and turned it into beef cattle fields, and today you can see the pastures with cows grazing, but the grass shows the lines of the old terraced beds. That was pretty cool.  Beautiful scenery and a car to run to when it started pouring.  And I'll admit this was v...